For me, today’s blog is either an act of strength and character or one of idiocy, pain, and self-indulgence. Perhaps in the end it will be all three. Very honestly, I’d rather be doing any ten other things. Some I shouldn’t, some I probably should, some I need to. It is the voices of others in my head – some imagined, some absent, some with my best interest in mind, some with their own agenda – that keep me on task.
So here I sit at the keyboard, in a largely silent house, trying to translate from mind to screen what appears to be my stumbling block and inspiration simultaneously.
“Love writing, but love having written” keeps running through my head. I run this marathon over and over. Having something to say. First to rid it from my mind, then to send out into the world hoping others say, “hey, I was just thinking that”, or “you know, I never thought of it that way before”. I have been challenged and changed by the thoughts of others myself. What so many think of as flip-flopping, I have only ever thought of as growing up and evolving. I will continue to be as long as I live. I stop learning, I stop living. And I’ve never thought that the millings of others minds was an imposition. The thoughts and convictions of others are a buffet from which I may pick and choose. There was a time I would have never chosen Brussel Sprouts or olives. Now they are among my favorites. Thought/opinions/perspectives are offered to us all the time. Sometimes we are agreeable to them, other times not. A lifetime of ever learning by its very nature means an acceptance and even dedication to lifetime of discomfort, if not pain and heartache, during the learning process
Today these thoughts clog my mind and and will not be denied. These are mine today….
Mohammed Ali – gone, adored and memorialized by many… and then there’s Russ – one of the regulars at Starbucks. I never saw Russ anywhere other than that Starbucks. He was the kind of guy who told the same three jokes nearly every day, had an opinion about everything, always knew better than you. Sometimes he was annoying…. and I will miss him. He will be memorialized – just with less fanfare.
I find it difficult to understand the pain and burden people seem to be forced go through. I try to see the lesson in everything. The best that I’ve come up with – for both them and myself – is that the lesson isn’t over until you’ve learned it. For this of you who don’t get why you are suffering, I hear you, I am there with you too. Let’s point out what the lesson of the burden might be to each other.
And lastly, seems I’ve worked though my hesitancy to write this morning.
Thank you all. Lesson learned.