What lead me to finally writing @BoyOnTheBureau….
I have an amazing friend who launched into writing a couple of years before I got brave enough to put @BoyOnTheBureau to paper she knew the story was weighing heavy on me…. heard it in my voice, saw it on my face…. on a podcast I was doing….
Friend: What struck me when I saw the podcast was this big strong man still in so much pain from things from over four decades ago & how you seemed to be ripping out of your soul to tell. I didn’t really know you then – not really.
Me: was that sad? Brave? Both?
F: It seemed so hard for you to say – even though the words were not really so tragic. But they were hard for you.
M: Can you explain that a little?
F: Not really.
M: Many have much worse.
F: Sad yes no doubt
M: I think the fact that my whole life was based on lies and misperceptions is shaking.
F: That is difficult
M: Are there any psychological dilemmas that are equal to physical pain?
F: Of course.
M: Are there people who would chosse blindness over a broken heart?
F: For most people worse.
M: Most people?
F: I think.
M: So am I self-indulgent just being about this?
F: We cushion our lives with lies
M: Should I just get the f#@k over myself?
F: No not at all. Your struggle is more universal – thus a better play.
M: all things to think about. We were all psychologically healthier when our greatest concerns were where will I sleep tonight, and will I eat today? There’s not a lot of cavemen/Neanderthal angst.
F: So much of our own worth in other’s hands.
That conversation pushed me over the top of the hill and sent me careening toward what seems is my destiny. Thank you to my dear friend