In my six weeks of re-writing @BoyOnTheBureau I carved away just over two thousand more words – further removing language that was more in my writing voice than my speaking voice. This happened not all at once, but in fits and starts. Remove three hundred words, add forty-seven. Remove another seven hundred, add another hundred and fifteen.
A commercial now posted on social media for the play was filmed by#DavidDodds – one of my former students and now a twice Emmy nominated producer and cameraman.
The play started to read like it sounded – in my speaking voice. I decided not to tell a hundred percent of my family stories, but to tell one hundred percent of the parts I was telling. Whatever I didn’t get to? That would be for the sequel.
The second public workshop of the play – once again #QEDAstoria – went off well. l added tech (a revised Powerpoint presentation of now 119 photographs that underscored the story the play tells – also by way of a former student) and a greater sense of the show’s form and function. And I was lucky enough to get a few industry folks comp’ed in to watch.
At a round table of friends and interested parties, we discussed and debated both the performance and structure of the play. Suggestions were made as to how to better and best further shape the piece – its script, its tech, my performance.
Taking those things into consideration I more finely rewrote the play once again. This time concentrating on re-sequencing parts of it rather than the removal or replacement of words, the rearrangement and refinement of the words already on the page.